t o n i g h t s u c h a b e a u t i f u l n i g h t s i n g w i t h m e n o w b o o m .

Mittwoch, 28. November 2012

You and I.

-from her;'
" To be honest , it still scares me how things turned out so freaking differently.
It's not like a negative feeling of being scared, but the fact that i never ever thought everything would be as it is now is so overwhelming.
Its like , I knew I was falling for you very soon, but I still can't believe how special you actually are.
I liked u the way I liked no one else. I still remember every single second with you, that's how much u drove me crazy last year, how often you went through my mind. From the first words we talked, to the moments in which I realized I actually missed u,the afternoons in which I hoped to see u, and whenever I did ,I felt amazingly good. The way u thought about the words u said to me, the look of your eyes when u tried to hide the excitement , ur gorgeous smile that took my breath away, I was amazed by your perfect image, and every day you showed me more and more of the guy you were. Of course, we both hid some certain things, secrets, some of the habits we didn't want to show yet , smth like that, but whatever u let me know, I was speechless about how much I actually adored about you,and that feeling that grew in me became just breathtaking. You were smn i was curious about , u were so interesting to me ,every day we told each other about our lifes, we talked about tablemanners, about the way we dress, about food and school-,there was just so much u made me think about, so much you made me talk about.
Everytime u called me my heart stopped beating for a second, and everytime we met i just stared at you and didnt stop smiling. After a time the moments without you became longer, one day felt like ages, and missing you turned into pain.
But whenever i met you , everything felt so much easier. I enjoyed whenever you were around, we never got bored of each other, and there was just so much to share with you.
I started showing you the sides of me you didn't know yet, I talked about worries, what i was afraid of, and you just took my hand and let me feel weightless. I actually realized what kind of person u were to me , u were my whole inspiration, you were that kind of friend that always made me smile doesn't matter what, all day and all night your face was in my mind, I tried to remember your voice until we talked another time, because there wasn't anything more beautiful than you. The thing was, i tried everything to hide my feelings. I doubt what I felt, and I didn't want to feel it actually. I was terribly afraid of losing you. And it was not only that, the fact that we probably could never be together broke my heart again and again. I hid everything, -
Until that one day when i just couldn't take it anymore,- and I accidentally started crying in front of you without actually wanting it.
That was the day before exactly one year.
It means so much to me you can't believe.
I remember everything. From the song i was listening to at that night, to the smell of my room, the clothes I wore, and most important, the emotions i couldn't hide anymore.
I will never forget the way you looked at me when i told you that
I loved you.
It was the only beautiful feeling i had ,that night. Everything else hurt, but the feeling you gave me with just looking at me.. The smile on your beautiful lips ,moved, but also kinda sad and helpless. Your eyes, full of fire and tears, magical as always, so enchanting to me and everything I was. You nod ,
and u said
you loved me too.
my heart was almost jumping out of my breast, I cant explain what deep things i felt,it was just overwhelming.
Well, then the next day followed and remember, I wasnt going to school at that day. I had never felt so weak and hopeless before. And i was really weak.
I had no hope in us , i doubt the strength of our relationship, but you did. It was beautiful for a time, but then, out of all my bad decisions and wrong hope- I left you. And that was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. The time without u let me feel so much loneliness, sadness and regret. I still don't know how I could be that cold and mistreating to you, I actually learned of the most of these big mistake I made. Still, it's part of our long story, maybe even important to the way we became this strong and how close we became after this year. It has been my decision and u accepted and supported me and what I did. You showed me love even after all I had done to you.
It was an interesting time for me because i was so wrong until that day I realized I still loved you more than anything. Another night, which I have so much memories of. I will never forget ,a February night, when i told you what i felt. You sang the song to me at that night, and I smiled at you through all those tears pouring from my eyes. it was one of the first good talks we had after we hadn't talked at all. You made me smile whenever I was sad. Some weeks after that was the ending ,the final way out of all the pain I've given both of us. Since then, and I'm really saying the truth, i was constantly happy.
Every day. We got closer and closer. We loved us with all our hearts , we gave us what we needed and we never stopped chasing after the other one. And this is actually the mainly memory i have whenever someone mentions 2012. Our time ,our perfection, everything we talked about and everything we became is what made my year to the best I ever had. I really grew up with you, another year ,and I changed so much. I loved how I woke up so early every single morning to be with you, I was happy in every second and school was great these months. And then we also started sleeping together. Waking up with you gave me so much power for my day, and i just enjoyed it, i still could do it every day, I swear. There's nobody else I enjoy staying with so much as with you.
The beginning of our summer was amazing. Long evenings, sunny and warm, staying awake laughing until the early morning, it was paradise. As any other friendship or love we argued a couple of times, but one thing we never did, and that was letting each other down, even it sometimes seemed so. Every time we argued was horrible, but when we got along with each other again, it was pure happiness. Speaking out our thoughts brang us even closer, even you sometimes had problems with that, but it's okay. We always found a way to solve our problems and this is actually very special. Another big thing happened at the end of June, and trust me, it was the heaviest thing I've ever went through. Seriously, we both couldn't have proved more strength as we did in these 2 month full of missing and weakness, but so much power and stamina at the same time. June 26th until August 26th - you weren't there. You almost were nowhere, but you amazed me, as you always did. We tried every way to get through this, went through a lot of shit-
 but you kept being strong. You took your last power and put it into me, as much as you actually could. I don't know if I could have done this for another month, or two, or even more, but it didn't matter how long you had been away, I knew it would be worth it.
And it really was. The day you came back, that's 3 month ago, nearly right on the way.
That day, I really can't find the words for how happy I was. How much hope we had, again. And when I watched you sleeping at that night, the first night together after all these ups and downs, after everything we had made-
 I could see it in you.
The scarves on your hands, the muscles all over your skinny body.
And you were so tired. But looking at your face; you were smiling, and I couldn't help to cry quietly laying next to you. It was the first time I cried because of happiness after two month. And I felt so free, I felt like waking up after a nightmare and realizing it was just a dream. It felt like Christmas, after waiting for so long everything happened at once, happiness, love; everything you gave me. I felt successful, you can't believe how proud I was - only of you.
I still think I could've done much better, but you-
you are perfect.
I could write about us for ages. I already wrote too much, but whenever I try to find the right words for you, I just can't find those which are strong enough for expressing what I feel for you.
Really, you're someone I never ever thought  you would be with me someday. 
Not only be with me. You listen to me, you take me high, you knew one day I'd make it all, I'd go through this. You know who I am and remember me of what I can do whenever I forget it or lose the hope. Since I like you, I like myself. I was always sure about that everybody would leave whenever I reached the worst times of my life, and I hadn't experienced them yet some month ago, but they came. And I was sure after all I had ever said to you, how many times I did a mistake - you couldn't take it anymore. 
But you stayed.
You show me what love actually is, you make me feel the things I've never felt before.
You said you would be always there for me, and you are.
You said you'd do for me whatever you can, and you did.
There must be a reason for you and me meeting each other a long time ago, this day literally changed my whole life.
I can't think of anyone else except my mom I've ever loved this deeply as I'm loving you.
I can't find the words to explain, you just have too much got me going insane.
Being with you is the most frustrating, beautiful, saddest, happiest and exciting thing that has ever happened to me.
I want to be the place you can take a rest on, and I will always be there for you, just like you are.
You can't believe what feelings I have for you.
In this moment I just want to tell you what you actually mean to me, nothing else.
You're everything to me.
I love you. "

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