" To be honest , it still scares me how things
turned out so freaking differently.
It's not like a negative feeling of being
scared, but the fact that i never ever thought everything would be as it is now
is so overwhelming.
Its like , I knew I was falling for you very
soon, but I still can't believe how special you actually are.
I liked u the way I liked no one else. I still
remember every single second with you, that's how much u drove me crazy last
year, how often you went through my mind. From the first words we talked, to
the moments in which I realized I actually missed u,the afternoons in which I
hoped to see u, and whenever I did ,I felt amazingly good. The way u thought
about the words u said to me, the look of your eyes when u tried to hide the
excitement , ur gorgeous smile that took my breath away, I was amazed by your
perfect image, and every day you showed me more and more of the guy you were.
Of course, we both hid some certain things, secrets, some of the habits we
didn't want to show yet , smth like that, but whatever u let me know, I was
speechless about how much I actually adored about you,and that feeling that
grew in me became just breathtaking. You were smn i was curious about , u were
so interesting to me ,every day we told each other about our lifes, we talked
about tablemanners, about the way we dress, about food and school-,there was
just so much u made me think about, so much you made me talk about.
Everytime u called me my heart stopped beating
for a second, and everytime we met i just stared at you and didnt stop smiling.
After a time the moments without you became longer, one day felt like ages, and
missing you turned into pain.
But whenever i met you , everything felt so much
easier. I enjoyed whenever you were around, we never got bored of each other,
and there was just so much to share with you.
I started showing you the sides of me you didn't
know yet, I talked about worries, what i was afraid of, and you just took my
hand and let me feel weightless. I actually realized what kind of person u were
to me , u were my whole inspiration, you were that kind of friend that always
made me smile doesn't matter what, all day and all night your face was in my
mind, I tried to remember your voice until we talked another time, because
there wasn't anything more beautiful than you. The thing was, i tried
everything to hide my feelings. I doubt what I felt, and I didn't want to feel
it actually. I was terribly afraid of losing you. And it was not only that, the
fact that we probably could never be together broke my heart again and again. I
hid everything, -
Until that one day when i just couldn't take it
anymore,- and I accidentally started crying in front of you without actually
wanting it.
That was the day before exactly one year.
That was the day before exactly one year.
It means so much to me you can't believe.
I remember everything. From the song i was listening to at that night, to the smell of my room, the clothes I wore, and most important, the emotions i couldn't hide anymore.
I will never forget the way you looked at me when i told you that
I remember everything. From the song i was listening to at that night, to the smell of my room, the clothes I wore, and most important, the emotions i couldn't hide anymore.
I will never forget the way you looked at me when i told you that
I loved you.
It was the only beautiful feeling i had ,that
night. Everything else hurt, but the feeling you gave me with just looking at
me.. The smile on your beautiful lips ,moved, but also kinda sad and helpless.
Your eyes, full of fire and tears, magical as always, so enchanting to me and
everything I was. You nod ,
and u said
and u said
you loved me too.
my heart was almost jumping out of my breast, I cant explain what deep things i felt,it was just overwhelming.
my heart was almost jumping out of my breast, I cant explain what deep things i felt,it was just overwhelming.
Well, then the next day followed and remember, I
wasnt going to school at that day. I had never felt so weak and hopeless
before. And i was really weak.
I had no hope in us , i doubt the strength of our relationship, but you did. It was beautiful for a time, but then, out of all my bad decisions and wrong hope- I left you. And that was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. The time without u let me feel so much loneliness, sadness and regret. I still don't know how I could be that cold and mistreating to you, I actually learned of the most of these big mistake I made. Still, it's part of our long story, maybe even important to the way we became this strong and how close we became after this year. It has been my decision and u accepted and supported me and what I did. You showed me love even after all I had done to you.
It was an interesting time for me because i was so wrong until that day I realized I still loved you more than anything. Another night, which I have so much memories of. I will never forget ,a February night, when i told you what i felt. You sang the song to me at that night, and I smiled at you through all those tears pouring from my eyes. it was one of the first good talks we had after we hadn't talked at all. You made me smile whenever I was sad. Some weeks after that was the ending ,the final way out of all the pain I've given both of us. Since then, and I'm really saying the truth, i was constantly happy.
I had no hope in us , i doubt the strength of our relationship, but you did. It was beautiful for a time, but then, out of all my bad decisions and wrong hope- I left you. And that was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. The time without u let me feel so much loneliness, sadness and regret. I still don't know how I could be that cold and mistreating to you, I actually learned of the most of these big mistake I made. Still, it's part of our long story, maybe even important to the way we became this strong and how close we became after this year. It has been my decision and u accepted and supported me and what I did. You showed me love even after all I had done to you.
It was an interesting time for me because i was so wrong until that day I realized I still loved you more than anything. Another night, which I have so much memories of. I will never forget ,a February night, when i told you what i felt. You sang the song to me at that night, and I smiled at you through all those tears pouring from my eyes. it was one of the first good talks we had after we hadn't talked at all. You made me smile whenever I was sad. Some weeks after that was the ending ,the final way out of all the pain I've given both of us. Since then, and I'm really saying the truth, i was constantly happy.
Every day. We got closer and closer. We loved us
with all our hearts , we gave us what we needed and we never stopped chasing
after the other one. And this is actually the mainly memory i have whenever
someone mentions 2012. Our time ,our perfection, everything we talked about and
everything we became is what made my year to the best I ever had. I really grew
up with you, another year ,and I changed so much. I loved how I woke up so
early every single morning to be with you, I was happy in every second and
school was great these months. And then we also started sleeping together.
Waking up with you gave me so much power for my day, and i just enjoyed it, i
still could do it every day, I swear. There's nobody else I enjoy staying with
so much as with you.
The beginning of our summer was amazing. Long
evenings, sunny and warm, staying awake laughing until the early morning, it
was paradise. As any other friendship or love we argued a couple of times, but
one thing we never did, and that was letting each other down, even it sometimes
seemed so. Every time we argued was horrible, but when we got along with each
other again, it was pure happiness. Speaking out our thoughts brang us even
closer, even you sometimes had problems with that, but it's okay. We always
found a way to solve our problems and this is actually very special. Another
big thing happened at the end of June, and trust me, it was the heaviest thing
I've ever went through. Seriously, we both couldn't have proved more strength
as we did in these 2 month full of missing and weakness, but so much power and
stamina at the same time. June 26th until August 26th - you weren't there. You
almost were nowhere, but you amazed me, as you always did. We tried every way
to get through this, went through a lot of shit-
but you
kept being strong. You took your last power and put it into me, as much as you
actually could. I don't know if I could have done this for another month, or
two, or even more, but it didn't matter how long you had been away, I knew it
would be worth it.
And it really was. The day you came back, that's
3 month ago, nearly right on the way.
That day, I really can't find the words for how
happy I was. How much hope we had, again. And when I watched you sleeping at
that night, the first night together after all these ups and downs, after
everything we had made-
I could
see it in you.
The scarves on your hands, the muscles all over
your skinny body.
And you were so tired. But looking at your face;
you were smiling, and I couldn't help to cry quietly laying next to you. It was
the first time I cried because of happiness after two month. And I felt so
free, I felt like waking up after a nightmare and realizing it was just a
dream. It felt like Christmas, after waiting for so long everything happened at
once, happiness, love; everything you gave me. I felt successful, you can't
believe how proud I was - only of you.
I still think I could've done much better, but you-
I still think I could've done much better, but you-
you are perfect.
I could write about us for ages. I already wrote
too much, but whenever I try to find the right words for you, I just can't find
those which are strong enough for expressing what I feel for you.
Really, you're someone I never ever thought you would be with me someday.
Not only be with me. You listen to me, you take me high, you knew one day I'd make it all, I'd go through this. You know who I am and remember me of what I can do whenever I forget it or lose the hope. Since I like you, I like myself. I was always sure about that everybody would leave whenever I reached the worst times of my life, and I hadn't experienced them yet some month ago, but they came. And I was sure after all I had ever said to you, how many times I did a mistake - you couldn't take it anymore.
But you stayed.
You show me what love actually is, you make me feel the things I've never felt before.
Not only be with me. You listen to me, you take me high, you knew one day I'd make it all, I'd go through this. You know who I am and remember me of what I can do whenever I forget it or lose the hope. Since I like you, I like myself. I was always sure about that everybody would leave whenever I reached the worst times of my life, and I hadn't experienced them yet some month ago, but they came. And I was sure after all I had ever said to you, how many times I did a mistake - you couldn't take it anymore.
But you stayed.
You show me what love actually is, you make me feel the things I've never felt before.
You said you would be always there for me, and
you are.
You said you'd do for me whatever you can, and
you did.
There must be a reason for you and me meeting
each other a long time ago, this day literally changed my whole life.
I can't think of anyone else except my mom I've
ever loved this deeply as I'm loving you.
I can't find the words to explain, you just have
too much got me going insane.
Being with you is the most frustrating,
beautiful, saddest, happiest and exciting thing that has ever happened to me.
I want to be the place you can take a rest on,
and I will always be there for you, just like you are.
You can't believe what feelings I have for you.
In this moment I just want to tell you what you
actually mean to me, nothing else.
You're everything to me.
I love you. "
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